This is for the kids (and adults!) who attended Merge on Wednesday night at EUM Church in Racine, Wisconsin . . . and also for all who wanted to be there. :-)
So, Wednesday night we talked about dreams. We talked about ugliness and how God sees us through Christ and the different paths we can walk down. I shared two stories about darkness and light. Two stories about other people.
I’d like to get a little more personal. I’d like to share a story from my own life. Cause, hate to break it to you, but my 29 years haven’t been straight blue skies and sunshine. I’ve seen God allow darkness into my dreams.
Here’s something that happened recently:
A few years ago, I read a story about a missionary who did something amazing. Something impossible. He set out to prove God’s faithfulness. He set out to show the Bride of Christ the power of prayer. And God came through. I’ve read them, story after story after story from this man giving evidence to the unfailingness of God.
I thought that sounded pretty cool. “I want stories,” I told God. “Stories that prove Your word true. Stories I can take to Your Church and say, ‘Here, let me tell you what God’s done for me. Let me tell you how He’s moving today.’ ”
I started praying. Asking God, believing God to pull through for me. Putting myself in a position where, if He didn’t show up, I would be at the very least a fool. I had a dream. I wanted to see Him write His stories into reality so I could share them and bring glory to His name.
Guess what?
He failed. God failed me. The thing I was asking Him, begging Him to do, He didn’t do. He blatantly, crushingly, incomprehensibly didn’t do it. It would have been beautiful. I had the whole chapter written out in my head. It was quite dramatic, let me tell you. Scary, tense, wistful - and this great, heartwarming perfection at the end. I could even hear the triumphant background music playing as the credits rolled.
But God wrote something else.
A big word that I labeled FAILURE.
I yelled. I wanted to cry. I sat at His feet and scowled. I told Him this: “You didn’t come through for me. You were too late, too late to help. I never wanted to write this. If You’re really writing a higher story than the one I thought You were writing - well, are You allowed to fail in Your stories? You have to let me fail. I can’t help it. I’m human. But You - You’re God. You’re supposed to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. You’re not supposed to fail. Why did You?”
He responded with a question of His own. What do you want more: your stories or My heart?
In other words . . . What am I willing to give up for the sake of staying close to Christ? Will I give up my shopping sprees? My bank account? My extra shoes? My extra time? My home? My comfort? My dreams?
What am I really chasing? Is it my version of a happy ending? A beautiful story? A vision? . . . Or His heart? Am I really chasing His heart? He is a jealous God. If you really - if you really - desire to follow after Him, He won’t let you get away with anything less.
I want to ask you the same question God asked me. What do you want more: your stories or His heart? Think carefully before you respond to that question. The answer might wreak havoc on your dreams.
