The above-pictured toilet holds some very . . . unique memories for me. It’s nothing to do with my upcoming tour with AIM. At least, I hope not. It’s all in the past. (Dear God, let it stay there.)
It happened in Haiti.
Toilets are a luxury in most countries. Most centuries, for that matter. Does anyone even know when the first toilet was invented? In Haiti, we saw lots of toilets. We did not, however, see many flushing ones.
It’s complicated. There it was, the sparkling white porcelain seat, complete with matching sink. Shower head, faucet, hot and cold taps. What more could you ask for? Well, running water would be nice. Ah, yes . . . I knew we forgot something.
The big black barrel in the back is what we used instead of running water. And it was working great too! . . . Until the day the toilet plugged. Don’t ask why. Let’s just say it got a little stopped-up.
Have you ever tried to unplug a toilet without a plunger? Have you ever tried to mime “plunger” to someone who doesn’t speak your language? Have you ever put hand sanitizer on a toilet seat?
Let me back up. I had a helper in all this, a friend in the midst of crisis. Her name is Morgan. I don’t really remember how Morgan and I finally got a toilet bowl plunger in our hands. I think it took something like three days and several interesting conversations. But at last there we stood, looking down into a toilet that was . . . not sparkling white anymore.
I’d never prayed over a toilet before that moment.
We’d done our darndest to skillfully slosh the plunger around inside, we’d poured in a bucket of water, and now we were praying that when we flushed, everything would go down and not up. Please, not up.
Morgan set her teeth, pushed the handle, and . . . Miracle of all miracles, it went down! God does answer prayer. We know. We’ve seen it. We got so excited, we did an impromptu victory dance right then and there.
. . . Uh, did I mention that Morgan still had the plunger in her hand?
It splattered everywhere. Toilet seat, walls, floor.
And that was the day I used cinnamon-scented glazed donut hand sanitizer on a toilet seat. The rest of the night, it smelled like a Dunkin’ Donuts shop in there.
I haven’t eaten a glazed donut since.
