Have you ever gone on a church bulletin hunt? Sort of like an Easter egg hunt, only different.
You should try it sometime. It would probably be easiest on a Sunday. Go to all the churches you can, grab a bulletin, and get out. It’s harder than it sounds.
Guess what I did this morning?
It wasn’t entirely on purpose. But I did end up with a record total of three genuine church bulletins. Evangelical, Lutheran, and Presbyterian. Not bad for a first try. I learned all sorts of fascinating things. Nick’s birthday is on the 7th. Hosea 11:1-11. Jeri Gray helped with the service. 21st: Baby shower for Kayla Merchant. Hm. I should probably go to that one. The small chalice has grape juice. Gloria Patri. Amen. *Please stand if able.
It started like this. I walked into my first church, accepted the proffered bulletin (#1), and stole a microphone stand. Borrowed. With every intention of returning. And spoken permission first. The theft was for the sake of my second church. Or what was supposed to be my second church.
It was next door. Has been for many years, I’m sure. I lugged my musical paraphernalia (stolen and otherwise) through the front door, accepted the proffered bulletin (#2), lugged my stuff down the front aisle, and into the first pew. Several people in the congregation were looking at me with slightly confused faces. Strange. I was sure they’d told me the service started at 9:30. I looked at the clock. 8:58.
But I needed to find Doug. The pastor who had invited me to come and sing. I walked out into the foyer and noticed a large woman in a white robe with a green and gold stole. She didn’t look anything like Doug. But she did look like she might be in charge. I walked up, smiling, and asked if she knew where Doug was.
She frowned.
It’s never a good sign when they do that. She shook her head, and I began to get the message. The last Presbyterian church I went to definitely did not have anyone dressed as a priest.
Then I saw the sign. Not a heavenly vision or anything. Just a large, obvious poster over by the front door. Grace Lutheran Church.
Oh, no. Not again. (Have I told you about the time I went to the E-Free Church in Grand Island instead of the one in Hastings?)
I went back into the sanctuary, past the still slightly confused stares of the congregation, grabbed my stuff (stolen and otherwise), and marched out of the room. Or half-way out. Until the large woman in the green and gold stopped me and very loudly laughed that, no, they hadn’t been expecting me; no, this wasn’t the Presbyterian church; but, no, they wouldn’t mind if I stayed!
Thanks. Now that the entire world knows.
I exited. Gracefully. Eh-hem.
I got bulletin #3 on the second floor of the third church. It was in the sanctuary on the piano, and it had my name on it. That’s when I learned about Hosea and standing if able. I sat down. I finally found the place where I belonged. At least for the next hour. Then I gathered up my three church bulletins and headed out the door.
I’ll let you know how Round Two goes.
